Choose You Friends Wisely, Grasshopper!

By now, for those of you that have followed our blogs, know how much Sher and I value our friendships. When friendships are made, they cannot be thrown together – they must be forged. The word “FORGE” means “to make or shape something by heating it in a fire or a furnace and beating it or hammering it.”  So, when one forges a relationship (friendship), expect some heat, some beating and some hammering – but it will forever hold its shape! And through this forging, two things will happen, and Samuel Johnson said it so well, “There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity.” Confidence and Integrity are forged in true, safe friendships. 

When someone speaks negatively about one of our friends, we come to our friends defense. Why? Well, because we just didn’t become friends, but through time, confidence and integrity were also established. Sher and I have confidence in our friends and trust in their integrity and vis versa. Psalm 25:21 says, “May integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in you.” The meaning of the word integrity says it all – “A firm adherence to a code of standards or value; state of being unimpaired; the quality or condition of being UNDIVIDED! Undivided, devoted completely to one another. We have an undivided loyalty with our friends and in the relationships we enter into. Friendship is not to be taken lightly!

See, there are safe and unsafe friends out there. An unsafe friend will say they are your friend, say that they know you, say that they have confidence in you, say that they trust in your integrity. BUT when a situation comes up where this friend may feel wronged or threatened – they turn on you. These so-called friends can do you in! These unsafe friends can prevent you from achieving your goals by attempting to tarnish your integrity and by judging your heart. I Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be fooled: “Bad friends will ruin good habits.” Proverbs 20:6 says, “Most people will tell you what loyal friends they are, but are they telling the truth?  W. Clement Stone said, “Be careful of the environment you choose for it will shape you, be careful of the friends you chose for you will become like them.” “Proverbs 18:24 says, “There are friends who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”  Safe friends, well, they are the complete opposite of the unsafe friend. They are a friend that will stick closer than a brother and they want to see you achieve your goals – and they will even help you to do it! Safe friends really fulfill Proverbs 17:17, “A true friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in the time of need.”  

Yes, there are some friendships Sher and I have had to let go of – and it saddened our hearts. Some of these lost friendships were our fault because we were ignorant and made mistakes in this area. However, the friendships we do have are solid and safe. Then we have friendships in their early stages that seem a little shaky, but they need time to work out. Sher and I have learned not to “rush” into friendships and to wait upon the Lord to show us the way to go.

The biggest hindrance to forging friendships, in our opinion? Assumption. Assumption assumes that a thing is accepted as true or as certain to happen without proof. Assumptions will kill friendships or prevent them before they even get a started – smashed in seed form! Before you assume something about a friend or a person, please get the facts first! 99% of the time, the facts will provide the proof to squelch the assumption. I (charlie) believe it’s called, “give the person the benefit of the doubt”, especially if you claim to have confidence in them and trust in their integrity. 

Sher and I have said all of this because of this real cool quotation by Charles Caleb Colton, “True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.”  Sher and I put a lot of value into our friendships, but we have learned through life experiences that it is very unhealthy to stay in unsafe friendships. Sad? Yes. You see, when people say they trust you and then you hear they have bought into or made assumptions about you – then they truly do not know your heart. Work it through? Yes, that must be attempted. However, if there is no resolve, we don’t love them any less, as matter of fact we love them more! But, we must grieve the relationship and move onto the things God has for us. To do anything less…well it would be less.

Until next time, May God Richly Bless You!   Charlie and Sher